Work Life Balance

I love Christy Wright. She is a speaker with the Dave Ramsey group and I have been reading her blogs for several months now. Several times I swear she is speaking/writing directly for me. At the Summit she talked about how to balance our work world and our personal life and let me tell you that is like walking a tightrope over the Grand Canyon my friend.

I know most working parents feel some sort of guilt for having to miss things in their kids lives but to me I think moms feel it the most (or perhaps I think this because I am a mom and I feel it deeply). Especially us single moms have a lot of guilt. We feel guilty for being divorced in the first place and then we feel guilty for working so much to provide a great life for our kid. The guilt is not only a given it is like a rude, obnoxious family member who decided to move in and sleep on the couch and is now eating all the food and hogging the tv all night long. It won't go away no matter how nicely or forcefully you tell it to; it simply won't budge.

I have tremendous guilt that I battle with daily. Sometimes I am victorious over the battle and sometimes I fall in defeat and watch as the Guilt stands over me triumphantly waving his sword. The good and bad news is I get to wage this war every day with guilt and so regardless of the outcome of today, I know I will fight it again tomorrow.

Looking back on my own childhood my parents worked VERY hard! They were starting a new pecan business which combined retail with agriculture so this was no easy task. They worked long hours. Both were up before me working (Dad in the orchard or fields and Mom at the kitchen or coffee table doing the books) and they stayed up long after me still working. My parents gave it their all to make the Pecan Shed what it is today and for that I am grateful.

The crazy thing is they were also really wonderful parents. My mom was a "room mother" for as many years as I can remember. She made it to ALL my games even the ones that were at 9am on a Thursday morning when it was just her, Karen Elledge, and Pam Ward in the stands mom was their cheering me on (and yelling at the refs a lot). She never missed a thing. Not a program, sporting event, one act play, pep rally, or anything. She was there.

I have no idea how she did that.

Dad made it to a lot of things too. He showed up to the big events and games and he always wanted to hear about the activities he missed. My favorite story is where he got off a harvester early to make it to one of my basketball games. Drove an hour to the school we were playing only to find out we were playing at home that night. So he drove like a mad man to get back to our school gym and caught most of the game.

My parents were present.

In her speech at the Summit Christy said it isn't about a 50/50 split between work and your personal life. It is about being 100% present at both. I loved that because it is so true.

There some times of the year where I simply have to work. November and December I am working 60+ hours a week. Valentine's Day I can't take off. Mother's Day weekend I am working. These are just major times for the Pecan Shed when I have to be there. This means I miss some of Dotty's class parties, practices, or games. This means I am exhausted during some really big holiday times.

I know the year we opened the Pecan Shed in Henrietta I was working 80 hour weeks in November and December trying to make sure all was going well. I was exhausted beyond the point of breaking some nights. Dotty LOVES the Fantasy of Lights here in in Wichita Falls so she wants to walk or drive through it every night if possible. One night was a particularly pleasant evening and we were leaving a restaurant where we had just finished eating (I don't normally cook but I never cook in November and December) and she asked if we could walk through the Fantasy of Lights. My first thought was maybe we could just go home and look it up on YouTube. My second thought was perhaps we could just drive through it. But as I looked at her sweet face I reminded myself that even though I remember my parents being tired and dirty from working hard and yes...sometimes they were a bit cranky because they were human after all...I don't remember them not wanting to celebrate the Season with Jake and me. Of course their was a year or two where the Christmas tree got put up on December 23rd...but it got put up and presents were underneath it. Many years Mom spent hours on December 24th wrapping gifts for us to demolish all her hard work in 20 minutes but she did it because she wanted us to have a GREAT Christmas and that in her mind included unwrapping gifts not just pulling them out of store sacks. So I took Dotty, my aching back, and my throbbing feet and we walked the Fantasy of Lights.

Now don't get me wrong. I remembered my parents worked hard and Dotty will too. She will tell you I spend too much time on my phone or at work and I won't deny that I do in fact do those things but when she is older I hope she will recognize how much I sacrificed to be present when I could be there. I hope she will hear from my team that I made sure we worked the schedule around so that everyone could make it to as many of their children's events as possible because I wanted to make it to as many of Dotty's as possible. I hope when she is older she will have a strong work ethic and be a mom who sometimes says "that can wait until tomorrow" as she walks out the door to attend her child's game.

I want to teach Dotty a lot about this world and if I teach her anything I hope it will be that sometimes you have to choose and sometimes you don't really have a choice. But when you do get to choose, choose family. No one ever writes on a tombstone what their balance was in their bank account or a P&L statement...very few probably say anything about business at all. Most tombstones talk about the person's personal life...something like "She was a good Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend" etc.

Work is important. I am not saying it isn't. Loving your job is important too. But to me when it is all said and done people will remember us for the difference we made in their lives not the difference we made in the bottom line. I hope my legacy will be one where my friends and family remember me fondly and those that worked with me thought of themselves as my friends and family as well.